“Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power” Lao Tzu
It’s understandable to wish other’s attitudes would change. This would certainly solve the problem. However, it’s debatable how possible this is. Often movements who push people towards acceptance end up having the opposite effect. Aldous Huxley called this the law of reversed effort. Try to force yourself to go go sleep. It get’s harder. Likewise, if you start arguing with someone you often end up with them becoming more defensive than they were in the first place.
One may opt for the iron fist approach. Silencing or punishing anyone that discriminates. However, that would only remove discrimination from the outer world, not the inner world. It would still be there, bubbling below the surface. Ready to blow when triggered.
Furthermore, there are two things that you can never force on others.
1. You can’t force someone to respect you.
2. You can’t force someone to love you.
Ultimately, that is what we all want.
So what’s the solution? Read on.
Interestingly, in many ways society has become more accepting of difference in the last century. However, this is a slow process and to think we will be able to completely squash an ancient evolutionary instinct may be wishful thinking.
What can we do right now? We can take control and stop reacting negatively to the injustices of the world. See if you can become happy about your difference and happy in general. After all, part of the reason others pity you is because they assume your difference makes you unhappy. That’s certainly not a given and it’s useful for others to see that if we are to change perceptions.
Similarly, people discriminate against you when they know it’s easy to effect your emotions. They know they can provoke a reaction. Don’t let someone’s insult turn you into someone worthy of pity or scorn. As Gandhi said, ‘No one can hurt me without my permission’. If you react positively instead of negatively you become what teens would call ‘cool’. If you can take more control over your thoughts and emotions then discrimination should be less of a problem for you.
We all have our life challenges. Whether they are visible or not. And when you can bear them with a smile then that is the epitome of inspiration. And everyone benefits from that.
In time, this may even lead to a change in perception society wide. After all, the best way to change hearts and minds is through leading by example rather than logical argument or shaming people into compliance.
In recent years perceptions have started changing. A lot of that is down to an increased media presence for people with differences. But the people you put on TV still have to be a success in their own right. Or at least comfortable in their own skin. That’s something up to us as individuals. Social media is surpassing traditional media in many ways, and in that domain, unless you are a competent creator you will get no where. So become good at something you are passionate about and see where that leads you.
Someone who had a big impact on the public’s perceptions of disabled people was Stephen Hawking. Arguably the most well known physicist and science writer of his generation. At age 21 while studying at Oxford University he was diagnosed with a rare early-onset form of motor neurone disease. Over decades this gradually paralysed him, leaving him in a wheelchair and communicating through a speech-generating device. But this didn’t stop Hawking. He continued his work as a physicist and writer for decades after. He didn’t let his disability define him and in doing so changed the perception of people with disabilities. He did this simply by being himself and pursuing his purpose. He preferred to be regarded as “a scientist first, popular science writer second, and, in all the ways that matter, a normal human being with the same desires, drives, dreams, and ambitions as the next person.”
It may be easier to wish others would change but this is a chicken and egg situation. Let’s take the empowered path and focus on what we can control. Over time this should inspire more and more role models and in doing so create a virtuous circle.
Be the change you want to see.